I Am Afraid to be Poor
The title says it all; so often, I am afraid to be
poor. For instance, I am sometimes very
concerned about how much money and other material possessions I have. It’s not that I want to be rich, but I just
want to have enough for the basic needs of life plus some things to make life
comfortable and enjoyable.
I also don’t want to be poor in my duties and achievements. For schoolwork, I often feel like I fail if I don’t get the best grade, and if I don’t achieve specific goals, then there’s often great disappointment. I also always want to have rich friendships full of love and kindness, but how often I fail to love or to receive love from others!
Yes, the above confessions are pretty blunt. Yet, these are what I have been forced to face over and over again in my years of seminary formation. It takes a lot of strength to be honest to myself, and while I’ve had significant growth here, I know I still have a long way to go.
How scary it is, then, when Jesus says in Matthew 5:3, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,” when Psalm 34 describes how the Lord hears the cry of the poor, and when the rich are condemned so many times for their lack of dependence on God! Scripture describes the anawim, the poorest class of Israel who faithfully wait for the Lord, and it is to them that Jesus, who is poor himself, brings redemption. I also think of all of the saints who have embraced poverty, and I wonder if I even have enough strength to make a small charitable donation!
Ultimately, I’m poor in my desire to be poor. However, what I’ve learned is that this is already a beginning into poverty. St. Therese describes enduring the “trial of being displeasing to oneself” as being one of the greatest steps to holiness. It’s in this patience that we can find God’s patience for us, drawing us slowly yet surely into His infinite mystery.
It’s only when I realize that I’m poor that God can then make me rich in His love. How appropriate to focus on this in the Advent season, for what I truly need is not money, achievements, or even good human friendships, but a Savior!
I also don’t want to be poor in my duties and achievements. For schoolwork, I often feel like I fail if I don’t get the best grade, and if I don’t achieve specific goals, then there’s often great disappointment. I also always want to have rich friendships full of love and kindness, but how often I fail to love or to receive love from others!
Yes, the above confessions are pretty blunt. Yet, these are what I have been forced to face over and over again in my years of seminary formation. It takes a lot of strength to be honest to myself, and while I’ve had significant growth here, I know I still have a long way to go.
How scary it is, then, when Jesus says in Matthew 5:3, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,” when Psalm 34 describes how the Lord hears the cry of the poor, and when the rich are condemned so many times for their lack of dependence on God! Scripture describes the anawim, the poorest class of Israel who faithfully wait for the Lord, and it is to them that Jesus, who is poor himself, brings redemption. I also think of all of the saints who have embraced poverty, and I wonder if I even have enough strength to make a small charitable donation!
Ultimately, I’m poor in my desire to be poor. However, what I’ve learned is that this is already a beginning into poverty. St. Therese describes enduring the “trial of being displeasing to oneself” as being one of the greatest steps to holiness. It’s in this patience that we can find God’s patience for us, drawing us slowly yet surely into His infinite mystery.
It’s only when I realize that I’m poor that God can then make me rich in His love. How appropriate to focus on this in the Advent season, for what I truly need is not money, achievements, or even good human friendships, but a Savior!
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