All Saints' Day - The Holy Longing
The holy longing,
we’re not on our own,
With all of our neighbors we shall receive a home,
When at the end of time, the original sin
Of being alone is conquered within.
- From my song, “The Holy Longing”
All Saints’ Day holds a special place in my heart, especially since three years ago, I received a very important moment of confirmation and consolation: the knowledge that the saints truly desire for us to be with them.
It was my first semester at seminary, and though it was overall going well, there were some tough aspects of adjustment, especially that of finding friends, being accepted, and accepting myself. Throughout high school, I had often struggled with loneliness and isolation, and on Halloween night, I wondered if much had changed. I still couldn’t determine who my closest friends were at seminary, and I was fearful that the future would continue to hold this loneliness.
This feeling continued into the next day, All Saints’ Day. Yes, there were blessed moments of Mass, a banquet, and a football game, but I returned to my room feeling like I was the only one around, which was largely true since many of my floormates decided to go out for the afternoon.
All of this came to a climax when I decided to join the monks for Vespers. Beforehand in the Basilica, I was agonizing in prayer, asking God why I was feeling like this and if I would ever find the community I was seeking. This was quite a desolate time, and I was waiting anxiously for answers.
Thankfully, the answer came in a way I didn’t expect. I started to pray the Office of Readings (part of the Liturgy of the Hours, daily prayer of the universal Church), and I reached an excerpt from a sermon by St. Bernard. You can find the whole prayer at http://www.liturgies.net/saints/allsaints/officeofreadings.htm, but here’s the crucial portion that fundamentally changed the way I view the saints.
Calling the saints to mind inspires, or rather arouses in us, above all else, a longing to enjoy their company, so desirable in itself. . . . In short, we long to be united in happiness with all the saints. But our dispositions change. The Church of all the first followers of Christ awaits us, but we do nothing about it. The saints want us to be with them, and we are indifferent. The souls of the just await us, and we ignore them. . . . Let us long for those who are longing for us, hasten to those who are waiting for us, and ask those who look for our coming to intercede for us.
When I read this, my desolation was stopped in its tracks. I realized, “I am truly not alone. The saints are with me, and they want me to be with them. Even at this moment, I am part of this incredible communion.” My loneliness melted away, and I prayed Vespers with great joy.
I consider this a turning point for me at seminary. Though the challenges of loneliness have come back often, I have received so many incredible friendships, most importantly my friendship with God. I can trust in these relationships and recognize the undefeatable richness that Jesus has given to me. Though I have to remind myself of this again and again, I am never alone. This translates for all of us into, “We are never alone” – just the fact that we can say “we” shows that communion is already here.
I wrote a song last year that commemorates this moment along with other realizations in my faith journey. The title is also based off of Ronald Rolheiser’s book The Holy Longing, which I highly recommend. You can find the song along with several others of mine at http://www.purevolume.com/BillCremers. (Please forgive the rough recording quality!)
Happy All Saints’ Day! Know that you are never alone!
With all of our neighbors we shall receive a home,
When at the end of time, the original sin
Of being alone is conquered within.
- From my song, “The Holy Longing”
All Saints’ Day holds a special place in my heart, especially since three years ago, I received a very important moment of confirmation and consolation: the knowledge that the saints truly desire for us to be with them.
It was my first semester at seminary, and though it was overall going well, there were some tough aspects of adjustment, especially that of finding friends, being accepted, and accepting myself. Throughout high school, I had often struggled with loneliness and isolation, and on Halloween night, I wondered if much had changed. I still couldn’t determine who my closest friends were at seminary, and I was fearful that the future would continue to hold this loneliness.
This feeling continued into the next day, All Saints’ Day. Yes, there were blessed moments of Mass, a banquet, and a football game, but I returned to my room feeling like I was the only one around, which was largely true since many of my floormates decided to go out for the afternoon.
All of this came to a climax when I decided to join the monks for Vespers. Beforehand in the Basilica, I was agonizing in prayer, asking God why I was feeling like this and if I would ever find the community I was seeking. This was quite a desolate time, and I was waiting anxiously for answers.
Thankfully, the answer came in a way I didn’t expect. I started to pray the Office of Readings (part of the Liturgy of the Hours, daily prayer of the universal Church), and I reached an excerpt from a sermon by St. Bernard. You can find the whole prayer at http://www.liturgies.net/saints/allsaints/officeofreadings.htm, but here’s the crucial portion that fundamentally changed the way I view the saints.
Calling the saints to mind inspires, or rather arouses in us, above all else, a longing to enjoy their company, so desirable in itself. . . . In short, we long to be united in happiness with all the saints. But our dispositions change. The Church of all the first followers of Christ awaits us, but we do nothing about it. The saints want us to be with them, and we are indifferent. The souls of the just await us, and we ignore them. . . . Let us long for those who are longing for us, hasten to those who are waiting for us, and ask those who look for our coming to intercede for us.
When I read this, my desolation was stopped in its tracks. I realized, “I am truly not alone. The saints are with me, and they want me to be with them. Even at this moment, I am part of this incredible communion.” My loneliness melted away, and I prayed Vespers with great joy.
I consider this a turning point for me at seminary. Though the challenges of loneliness have come back often, I have received so many incredible friendships, most importantly my friendship with God. I can trust in these relationships and recognize the undefeatable richness that Jesus has given to me. Though I have to remind myself of this again and again, I am never alone. This translates for all of us into, “We are never alone” – just the fact that we can say “we” shows that communion is already here.
I wrote a song last year that commemorates this moment along with other realizations in my faith journey. The title is also based off of Ronald Rolheiser’s book The Holy Longing, which I highly recommend. You can find the song along with several others of mine at http://www.purevolume.com/BillCremers. (Please forgive the rough recording quality!)
Happy All Saints’ Day! Know that you are never alone!
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